I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
he shaved USA in his pubs
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I need a burrito and a hug.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Randomize
