these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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