I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Don't tell me you're on acid again
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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