I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
