Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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