As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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