areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You can't just leave with hair like that
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
