Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
try to milk me bitch
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
