Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Randomize
