Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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