shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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