2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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