Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
