i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
