I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
