chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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