She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
