I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
