The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
