yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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