so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
We had to coat check the pizza.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
