so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
