his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
