The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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