She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
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