Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
