I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
