Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
