All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
we're so committed to being not committed
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
