New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
