so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
