Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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