He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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