Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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