i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
