I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
