my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
