hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
