Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
