I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
