Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
