I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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