i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
two words...techno handjob
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
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