mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
