we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
