Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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