I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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