I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
