we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
