Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
