Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
