I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Randomize
