yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I just found a bag of teeth...
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I think people are normalizing furries
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
